A SECRET I’VE BEEN KEEPING FOR 16 YEARS IS EATING ME ALIVE.
I thought I’d take this to my grave, but here we are… I had terrible parents, so I promised myself I’d never walk out on my own child.
When my first kid was 2 years old, my wife cheated on me, and it crushed me.
She was the primary breadwinner at the time, and I had to move out of our upper-middle-class house into an apartment…
Later, she “realized her mistake” and came begging me to take her back after about 9 months.
I love my kids so much and wanted to spend every day with them, so I “forgave” her, and we’ve been together ever since.
She doesn’t know that for the last 16 years, I never truly forgave her.
She thinks we healed. She thinks we moved on. But the truth is, for the last 16 years, I’ve been living with a quiet, gnawing resentment buried under every smile, every family dinner, every anniversary celebration.
She doesn’t know that I’ve been keeping a journal since the day I moved out. Every betrayal I felt, every pang of bitterness, every moment I forced myself to stay silent for the sake of the kids — it’s all there. I’ve chronicled my heartbreak in excruciating detail. Not to use it against her. Not to shame her. But because it was the only way I could survive without losing myself.
She doesn’t know that sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and sleep on the couch — not because I’m restless, but because lying next to her still sometimes feels like betrayal… of myself.
And here’s the worst part: I’ve never told anyone. Not a friend. Not a therapist. No one. I smile. I laugh. I coach my kid’s soccer team and show up for school plays like a devoted father. And in many ways, I am.
But underneath it all, there’s a man who never really came home — who made a quiet, one-sided sacrifice 16 years ago for the sake of his children, and never got closure.
And now they’re almost grown. Soon they’ll move out. And I’m terrified… that when they do, I’ll be left alone in this house, with a woman I never truly loved again… and a secret that won’t stop screaming.