My ex showed up on my doorstep one day, after I’d kicked him out.
He handed me a bag with a dozen eggs and a half-pound of bologna.
Okay. I took it just to get him off my back.
Imagine my surprise when I met a mutual friend the same day, and he said, “I saw Alex today, he was bragging that he’d gotten back together with you. Said you begged him to take you back.”
I blinked. “What?”
Our mutual friend nodded slowly, a little unsure. “Yeah… said you cried, apologized for everything, and told him you couldn’t live without him.”
I let out a stunned laugh. “All I did was accept a bag of eggs and bologna because I wanted him off my porch.”
My friend shrugged. “Well, he made it sound like you were planning the wedding.”
I stared at the ground for a second, then pulled out my phone.
“Guess it’s time for a little reality check.”
That night, I posted a photo of the groceries with the caption:
“Reminder: accepting food from your ex doesn’t mean you’re back together. It means you were hungry and too tired for drama.”
The post blew up.
People were tagging Alex. The comments ranged from “This is wild” to “Bro brought eggs and thought he secured a wife.”
Three days later, Alex texted me:
“You didn’t have to embarrass me like that.”
I didn’t reply.
But I did go buy more eggs—
From someone who didn’t come with baggage.