Wife: “Honey, don’t forget to buy BREAD when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie greets you.”
Husband: Who is Valerie?
Wife: Nobody, I just wanted you to answer, to have confirmation that you saw my text.
Husband: But I’m with Valerie right now, I thought you saw me?
Wife: What??! Where are you?
Husband: Near the bakery.
Wife: Wait, I’m coming right now!
After 5 minutes, his wife sends a message:
Wife: “I’m here. I’m at the bakery. Where are you?!”
Husband: “At home. Just finished my shower. What’s taking you so long with the bread?”
Wife: “What do you mean?! You said you were with Valerie near the bakery!”
Husband: “Exactly. Valerie is our golden retriever. She always greets me when I get home — usually around the kitchen, near the bread bin.”
Wife: “YOU…”
Husband: “Next time, just say ‘buy bread’ — no need for emotional trauma and a heart attack.”
Wife: “You’re sleeping with the dog tonight.”
Husband: “Perfect. Valerie doesn’t yell.”
A few minutes later, she walked in fuming, loaf of bread in hand.
He held up the retriever like Simba in The Lion King.
“See? Valerie says thank you.”
She cracked a smile. Just a little.
But he still slept on the couch.